Friday, March 7, 2008 . 10:36 PM

Cold as you - Taylor Swift

You have a way of coming easily to me
And when you take
You take the very best of me
So I start a fight cause I need to feel something
And you do what you want
Cause I'm not what you wanted

Oh, what a shame
What a rainy ending given to a perfect day
So just walk away
No use defending words that you will never say
And now that I'm sitting here thinking it through
I've never been anywhere cold as you

You put up walls and paint them all a shade of gray
And I stood there loving you and wished them all away
And you come away with a great little story
Of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you

Oh, what a shame
What a rainy ending give to a perfect day
Every smile you fake is so condescending
Counted all the scars you made
Now that I'm sitting here thinking it through
I've never been anywhere cold as you.

~
This is all the past, but somehow i've never put it behind me. It started going wrong when it felt like what I was feeling, what made me unhappy seemed so silly and stupid. Then I bottled it all up and kept it away because things happened and I didn't have the liberty to be weak and silly anymore. I wanted to be someone you could rely on, but all you saw was that I changed into someone hateful. And now when it's way too late for explanations, I find the words to say.

And no, I couldn't expect you to understand, but I didn't realize that in time. I tried very hard to become someone better, to keep up with you maybe. But I failed terribly and it all came down to nothing. And no, I wouldn't expect you know how hard I tried because its true, I didn't get anywhere. To you, it just looks like I did nothing but get more frustrated and less likeable.

It got so stupid after awhile, when I would be the only one blaming myself and spending hours on end brooding over stuff that you didn't give a shit about. I didn't know how to cope with it and like the incompetent person i am, I got angry and I started hating. And it was my fault again, just like how it has always been. Because I couldn't be the better person.

You may think you're above this, you might even know what I'm talking about. But I bet you never knew how much difference it would have made to me if you had just thanked me for trying. Or tried to assure me that I was doing alright. You never thought that maybe I just needed some approval, or that the self-righteous things you said actually cut much deeper that you intended it to.

I'll never admit that I care so much, because it would all just be nothing to you again, wouldn't it?
And I'm not good enough to give without expecting anything back in return.

There. I just wrote another load of crap that means alot to me but nothing to you.